Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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