ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
