Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
this boner is exhausting
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
