whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
