I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Randomize
