dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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