This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
