hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
