UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
