i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
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