U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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