dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
