I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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