Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
