Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
