I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She's the barista slut.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
