It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
