i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
