32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
