You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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