I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
