I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
