i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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