If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
