seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
