I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
