Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
