I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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