Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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