the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
