need another drink. this is the easiest way
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
