I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
