When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
