i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
