so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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