Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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