yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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