what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
