I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
