There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
