he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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