I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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