I think I died a long time ago.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
