I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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