I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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