So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
