I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
