I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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