You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
