Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
