So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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