We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
