Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
being pregnant is like rehab
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
