airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
