you dipped you banana in queso last night.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
